How Do I Keep My Wife Satisfied When My Libido Took A Hike Due To Pregnancy?

Dear Thalia,

I'm expecting a child in a few months, and I have lost all desire for sex.

My wife has had two children and i know that when she was pregnant, she was insatiable and constantly in the mood. I feel bad for rejecting her advances, but i just don't want sex! I've talked to her about it and she always says "It's fine." but i think she is just trying to make me feel better.

How do I make her realize that i still want her without becoming a tease?



Dear Expecting:

Congratulations! You're in the last trimester and I'm sure this is a busy time and you're counting the days till delivery.  Given all you're dealing with, it is very sweet of you to add concern for your wife's needs to the pile.

The good news is, assuming the disparity is strictly due to your pregnancy, it's temporary. But that doesn't help you right now.

A disparity in the desire for sex plagues nearly every relationship at one time or another, pregnancy aside.  Dealing with any disparity requires communication and self-awareness.

First, ask yourself what specifically you are rejecting.

  • Are your breasts so sore that you're not turned on when they're given attention?
  • Do you  enjoy kissing and caressing but perhaps do or don't want your pregnant belly to be touched or on display?
  • Are certain positions so uncomfortable at this stage of your pregnancy sex becomes a turn off rather than a turn on?
  • Are you okay with lovemaking foreplay that doesn't include penetration?
  • Are you open to pleasuring her but not receiving? Would she be open to that?

Pay attention to the manner in which you reject her advances.  Be as specific as possible about what type of touch feels good versus what doesn't.  And think about what sort of touch you feel comfortable giving her.  In the last trimester of pregnancy, or honestly anytime in a relationship, sex doesn't have to be and shouldn't be goal oriented.  All loving touch is making love.  Find what works by talking to each other openly and specifically.  I'm confident you'll find a way to meet her needs without compromising yours.